Italy's Diary
by yaoi lupo
Summary: Italy has kept a secret from everyone. The fact that he hates himself. Story may be better than summary. They may be OOC and please no flames. This is my first fan fiction. Any ideas on how to fix it will be appreciated and taken kindly, as long as it it not mean. T for swearing in a different language.


Dear Diary,

I have said this before; I am dumb, useless, worthless, careless, clingy, cowardly, overemotional, and lazy. I always cause trouble for my allies and can't do anything right. I am surprised they haven't abandoned me yet. I don't get why. They probably don't even like me, especially Germany. It doesn't help that I fell in love with him, though I don't plan on ever letting him find out. He would most likely throw me out by the ear. I can't let him know, or find this diary for that matter. I can't even remember why I started writing it anyway. I think I wrote it to help me cope with the fact that Holy Roman Empire died. Anyway, PASTA! There now I am a bit happier. Pasta and Germany are the only things that make me feel even slightly happy nowadays. Oh well. It's not like I'm alone. Even if Japan and Germany abandon me I still have Romano. He isn't much help with my crush on Germany though. He still can't admit that he like Spain and, he would probably yell at me for liking "that potato bastard!" There are times when I wonder why I stay in this world. Then I think "Romano". He already has issues about being abandoned and, I couldn't do that to him. Back to Germany. Why do I like him? Well, he comes to save me all the time, he is big and strong, I feel safe when I am near him, and he's nice to me. Now that I think about it he hasn't once mocked me or called me stupid, worthless, or useless though he has called me lazy, but that's because I didn't get up on time or didn't participate during training. I know he gets more exasperated with Prussia than with me though. Hell, last week Prussia came home drunk and trashed his house, adding a few hole in the wall and trying to pick a fight Doitsu. After that Prussia had some "awesome" bruises and cuts. He also spent the night in the yard. Not like it really matters. There is no chance Doitsu would like me anyways. I am not good enough for him. Maybe if I was stronger or better yet a woman! That would be great. Then I wouldn't have to worry about anyone finding out I'm gay. The only reason I flirt with all those women is to make myself feel special and keep people from finding out I like men. It's not like it matters anyways. Even if I was serious with those women they only like the fact that a cute boy is flirting with them. I'm probably going to end up alone in the end anyway. Well that all for today.

Italy

For once America wasn't yelling how he was the hero, France wasn't trying to rape England, England was sitting in shock, Japan looked sad, Spain wasn't smiling, Romano looked like he wanted to cry, Germany was staring at the book with a blank expression on his face, and Prussia looked guilt. They were shocked by what was in Italy's diary. That was not what they were expecting to be written in the Italian's diary. Maybe a mention of a cat, and all about the pasta he had for some meal. Nothing like what was written. The happy go lucky nation was hiding that from all them. Why couldn't they tell? Prussia wished he had never found Italy's diary. When he looked at his brother he could tell he was having a hard time processing the fact that Italy had a crush on him. No surprise Italy was his first friend, his BEST friend. Of course he was in shock, especially since he like Italy back. At that moment Italy decided to finally show up for the world meeting.

"Ve~ sorry I'm late. I had some pasta at home that I just had to eat."

"…"

"Ve~ why are you all staring at me?" he asked as he looked around. Then he saw his diary in Prussia's hands. "W-why do you have my diary, Prussia?" he asked as he paled slightly.

"I found it on the floor in your room…" Prussia said slowly.

"You didn't read it did you?!" he asked Prussia with a slightly higher voice than normal.

"Um… kinda," he said laughing nervously, "I kinda read it to every one here."

Italy paled even more, "W-what page?"

"The most recent-" was all he managed to say before Italy bolted from the room.

Everyone just stared at the door in shock before Romano got up to chase after him.

"Prussia," France said, "vous êtes un âne."

"How the hell was I supposed to know what was in his diary? I figured it would be all about pasta. Nothing like that!"

"Dude, you don't just go and read somebodies diary to the whole world," America told him.

"I didn't see you trying to stop me!"

"Just shut up! I think the most important thing is to find Italy," Japan yelled in a rare display of anger, "Now can anyone think of where he would run to is he was scared or upset?"

"The only thing I can think of is Germany."

"Same here."

"Yeah."

"Okay," Japan said with a sigh, "Germany what about you?"

Germany, who had sat there quietly in shock snapped out of it and said, "Normally he comes running to me, but when he doesn't you can normally find at a certain field in at Austria's place."

"Lets go look there then."

* * *

~At the field were Italy last saw Holy Roman Empire~

"Finally, caught up with you," Romano said panting heavily.

"Ve~… what do you want, fratello?"

"To make sure you're okay, Veneziano… and ask why you think I love Spain."

Italy laughed a bit, "It is quite obvious, fratello. You aren't very good at hiding it."

"Shut up, stupido. Not as obvious as you crush on the potato bastardo."

"You knew!" Italy exclaimed in shock.

"I would be one sucky brother if I didn't. Though I have to ask, why do you think all that bad stuff about yourself?" Romano asked with concern in his voice.

Italy shrugged, "Everyone says that about me. I think after a while I started to believe it myself and then started to tell myself that whenever I messed up on something."

"ITALY! ROMANO!" Japan yelled as he came within hearing distance of the Italy brothers, causing them both to jump.

"J-japan!" Italy squeaked when he saw the black haired man. Then he saw the blond behind him and got ready to bolt again, until Romano tackled him to the ground.

"You are not going to run away again," Romano hissed in his ear.

"Why not!?" Italy cried, near hysterics, "You would run if you were in my shoes with Spain."

"…"

"Well?"

"If you face Germany, I will go and…" Romano muttered the last part to quietly for Italy to hear.

"What?"

"I said… I'll confess to Spain…" He said with a blush. By that time Germany and Japan were already there, both looking worried.

"Italy are you okay?" Germany asked.

"Ve~ I'm fine!" Italy said with a squeak.

"Are you sure, Italy-san?" Japan questioned.

"Si," he replied, his voice slightly higher.

Romano just stood there watching from the side lines. For once not insulting Germany.

"About your diary-" Germany started before Italy cut him off.

"Ve~ c-could we just forget about that, please."

"No, Italy-san." Japan said, "Why do you think like that about yourself?"

"…"

"Italy, just tell them." Romano ordered Italy.

That's all it took for the dam to break. "You want to know why?" Italy cried, on the verge of tears, "It's because I heard so many people say those thing about me that I started to believe it myself! 'Italy your so useless,' 'Italy can't you do anything right,' 'You're such an idiot,' 'Italy all your good at is running away.'" He was truly crying now, the tears streaming down his face, "Who wouldn't think of themselves like that after being told they were useless, stupid, and worthless their entire lives. Everyone I have met has said something like that about me, whether it was behind my back or to my face!"

"Italy-san," Japan tried to reason, awkwardly, "Germany-san and I have never thought of you like that. Why would we? We're you friends."

Italy was crying too hard to respond, Romano trying to comfort him.

"Italien, we're not going to break our alliance you," Germany said, "We don't think you are stupid or useless. You're not worthless in any way, shape, or form. You are a good friend and nothing is going to change that."

Italy had started to calm down as Germany was talking; they didn't hate him? They weren't going to leave him alone? They… wanted to stay his friend? He could barely wrap his head around the fact.

"Ve~ You don't… hate me?" he asked pitifully.

"No we don't Italy. We could never hate you." Italy smiled. It was small but it was still there.

* * *

~Later at Germany's house~

"PASTA!" Italy yelled in delight, "We get Pasta for dinner. Thank you, Doitsu."

They were sitting down for diner. Japan had gone home three hours previously and Romano said he had to go speak with the "Tomato Bastard". _He seems to be back to normal_, Germany thought to himself, _though there is still one thing that is bugging me…_

"Italy, I have a question for you."

"Ve~ what is it, Doitsu?" he asked with a big smile.

"It's about something that you wrote in your diary," he started nervously, watching as Italy's face fell, "You wrote something about having a… crush on me?"

"Ve~ oh t-that," Italy said, starting to panic. He thought Germany had forgotten! "Could we just forget about it? It's not like its important or anything."

"Italy, no we're not going to forget about it because… well… ich liebe dich," he muttered the last part so Italy barely heard it but, hear it he did.

"R-really," he said hopefully, "Do you mean it?"

"Ja."

"Ve~ Ti amo, Doitsu!" He yelled happily, talcling Germany in a bear hug and giving him a big kiss on the lips.

* * *

*Translations*

French:

vous êtes un âne – you are a jackass

Italian:

Fratello – brother

Stupido – silly/ stupid

Bastardo – bastard

Ti amo – I love you

German:

Ich liebe dich – I love you


End file.
